2014

Ooph. 2014 was a rough year. There was life and then death. There was love. And then love lost. Seemingly over and over. There was beauty and certainly some ugly. For me, the year started over again in August. Actually my whole life started over in August. I was reborn. Shed a shell and grew a new one.
My own shell. Seeing the world through my own eyes, though sometimes tear clouded, has been invigorating. I've learned more about myself in the last four months than I have my entire life. I'm planning a move to Vancouver in June but I've been told I'm mercurial so we'll see what comes to fruition with that. I love New England more than I have since I moved here. I've been savoring every experience I have here as them never being able to occur anywhere else.
2015 is just hours away and I've never been more excited for a new year.
Be safe everyone. There's newly shelled women out there looking to ring in the new year with a dangerous streak in their bones.

Oh ladies

I've never considered myself a feminist in it's strictest definition. I'm obviously all for equal rights for both sexes but I ignorantly ignore feminist protests, websites, and clubs. There are a few reasons for this. I haven't truly broken into the career world where I would be paid less than a man for the same job; I've been granted full rights to vote, attend college and all other pleasantries that just decades ago women were not seen as worthy of. But I suppose the real reason is that I have been surrounded by incredibly strong women my whole life that I haven't viewed the female sex as oppressed but conquering and victorious.

Until now I've been hesitant to place myself among these women.

Three weeks ago my husband lost his job. So the pressure rests on my shoulders (and my savings accounts) to keep things together until he finds a new job. Some background information about me: I save money like a squirrel stocks up acorns for winter. And I am damn proud every month when I am able to put X amount of money into my multiple savings accounts after all bills are paid. I plan to go backpacking in Vancouver/Whistler area and hike the mountains of Denali National Park this year. To be precise, I do NOT want to be forced to break into my savings accounts to cover our finances. So, while he's looking for a first job, I'm preparing for the worst and looking for a third job. Overnights somewhere because my schedule couldn't take anymore daytime work.

I could use my anger of him losing his job negatively and store it inside until I explode or I could concur. Like so many other women in my life have done. Through anger, sadness, physical and mental exhaustion they have come out the other side with more strength and courage than they started with. So will I and inevitably our relationship will only be stronger because my husband will have a view of me that he has yet to see fully: my warrior side.

Going through this experience has made me think of all the other women who have fought or are still fighting through their battles and hardships. I would like to take some time to write about these ladies.

My sister in law Natalie who at twenty one is excelling in Grad school, raising a home and keeping herself together (which at 21 is a feat in itself) all while her new husband is serving his country in the Navy and spending a significant time away.

My best friend Jazmin who also at twenty one (almost 22!!) is raising a baby as a single mom without the guidance of her mum because she died a week after beautiful baby Luna was born. The fact that she made it through the emotional rollercoaster of having a baby and losing her mother in the same week is unbelievably inspiring to how strong a mother's love for her baby can be.

My Auntie Fran. There are so many things I could say about my sweet Auntie Fran's accomplishments but her most recent is probably my favorite. At almost seventy (sorry for announcing that Auntie Fran but it's relevant!) she published her first book. A wonderful children's book that is so heartfelt and beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes as I read it for the first time to my Granny. She's also working on her second!!

My Aunt Sara. Damn, my Aunt Sara is probably the most badass lady I know that also has a heart of gold. I look up to her in so many ways. She works too much, travels the world, and is continuing to bring up a yarn company. She's a firm supporter of the local business and I admire that dearly.

Last, but most certainly not least, my darling mummy. Ah my, I could write a novel on the woman who brought me into the world but I'll hold back. She raised me as a single mother, went back to school to provide even more for me, conquered some pretty hefty assholes of men, and never seemed to lose faith. I know there were times when she just wanted to give up but she never did. She never gave up on her work that kicked her around (and continues to). She never gave up on being a mother. And she never gave up on love. She is my hero, my shoulder to lean on, my confidante, and my cheerleader.

All of these women, and every other badass lady out there, are inspiring. They are dealing with some of the most heartwrenching, physically and emotionally demanding situations that a human body and spirit can handle. I feel blessed and honored to be able to place myself among them. We will conquer, we will be victorious, and we will be better and stronger women because of these things that we have accomplished. Why? We are women. We refuse to lose. Even though we are considered the “lesser sex” we will prevail.

September!

September was really good to us. We wanted to cram a bunch of adventures in before the holidays and of course...the impending winter season. So we finally took the ferry to Peaks Island, bussed to Boston and once again, borrowed our lovely friend's car to make the trip to Acadia National Park. Here's some pictures..

Peaks Island

So we have every Tuesday off together. It's the only day I have off now that I'm working two jobs so we take advantage of them! Peaks Island is just off the coast of Portland and there's a ferry that runs ALL the time so I'm not sure how we've just gotten out there. But it's beautiful and such a quaint little Maine island and we will be visiting again.

Boston



Boston is a short and cheap bus ride from us so we thought it would be a nice day trip. What a great city it is. We've both never been so it was nice to experience a new place together. Beacon Hill was my favorite part of the city and if someday we strike gold we will live there. At least for a little while as we seem to be nomadic.



 

Acadia National Park

 

 

And then there was Acadia.. We left bright and early Monday morning (I somehow lucked out and got two days off at Starbucks!) and headed up the coast on Route 1 in our friend's beautiful station wagon. We didn't have any plans as to where we would stay or what we would do but we knew hiking a mountain was a priority. We hiked Pemetic Mountain, stood too close to the cliffs on the coast, and stayed in a sleezy motel (as a fear came over me that by sleeping in a car in the woods I was setting myself up to be a character in a Stephen King novel). It was a beautiful two days and I am so happy we got to experience such an amazing part of the coast.

 

In conclusion, we live in an incredible part of the country and so much is within our grasp to discover. We struck gold when we pointed at a map and chose Portland, Maine as our move destination! Thanks for reading, as always.



One Year

Beautiful sailing buddies

An excellent captain

In our wedding garb

Where we said our vows again!

The glorious church that lent us their altar

We stumbled upon this beautiful spot when we were very lost!



We had a beautiful one year wedding anniversary. Our friend allowed us the use of her car which made things so much easier! Kennebunkport gave us some amazing clam chowder and marvelous scenery. Our above mentioned friend has a brother who lives on a sailboat and he captained us around Casco Bay. We only had a day and a half off together but we made use of every minute. This time completely captured the essence of our relationship. We saw the night stars like I've never seen before, tried to break into the Desert of Maine and ate til our tummies just couldn't hold anything more.
Thanks for reading!

Our home and hood

 Oh Penske truck..We had a very difficult time looking for a place to park out little beast the first night and were very excited to get rid of it the next day. We had to do some shopping and since we don't have a car we decided to do it while we had the truck. This ended at about one but we still had to search for a gas station and since our gps is a bitch she took us all over town before we finally ended up at the Penske rental office. Which was closed. Since the office is six miles from our home we were planning on taking a cab but with no phone to call one we had yet another night with the truck. We were finally rid of him the next day and an 8000 pound weight was lifted off our shoulders.

We didn't realize how many things we had until we moved into our tiny apartment. Before we even got our chairs and my desk up the stairs we realized we didn't have the space or the need for them. We left the chairs in front of our building expecting to take them to the Goodwill but one of our neighbors asked if he could have them and he swept them away. I had about seven boxes of clothes, yet I still wear Scott's, and boxes of knick knacks and posters. We were blessed with huge windows and walls so we were able to fill those with all of our art and personal items. I thought I would feel cramped and crowded to live in a 250 sq ft apartment with a man and a chinchilla. But I've never felt more free and open. I can feel Scott and I growing closer already, working together to make our small area a home. Without very much space we've discovered what we thought we needed we truly just wanted. We're not crowded by stuff and unnecessary items. Living right downtown and paying cheap rent also helps.

because tea and coffee mix with pasta in a tiny apartment

People have asked me if we think we'll fight all the time because we're in a small space, or how we deal with having such little room. To all of those people, I am going to answer this once so refer everyone to this post. We love each other enough to grant the other space if needed and go for a walk. We respect each other enough to not make the other feel bad if they do need space. We adore each other enough that we want to be cramped in one room together. And there are a lot of people who would love a space as big as ours. So we don't "deal" with it, we enjoy it and appreciate it.

Our Adventure

It’s been a while since I’ve written on here but we’ve been really busy lately. We’ve been thinking about moving to the states, specifically New England, for quite a while now. After I went to Florida in May I realized that we needed to be back by the sea. So at some point we looked at a map and chose Portland, Maine. We looked on Craiglist and found an overwhelming amount of jobs. I called a Starbucks downtown and the manager told me that he needed help so he hired me on the spot. After that everything just fell into place. There were a few kinks that needed to be worked out but it all out played out pretty smoothly and before we knew it we were on the road in a 12 foot Penske truck. 

I must start with saying goodbye to my family I had really only just began to know about a year ago when I moved to London. My Auntie Fran wanted to hold a going away party for us at her house so we drove to Seaforth with my Granny and Gramps, were welcomed by my Uncle Steve and Auntie Fran, my cousin David and his son Tyler who were soon followed by my cousins Martha and Mark with their kids Erin and Eli. We ate pizza and talked about the family, took pictures and said our goodbyes. It wasn’t easy. My Auntie Fran had quickly become a role model for me while living here. At 70 she does tai chi, is publishing her first book and is the one of the best damn grandmas I’ve ever seen. She is more up to date on pop culture than I am. She’s an extraordinary person and I will miss her greatly.

Auntie Fran's peonies

My mum and I had basically held it together until the night before. My Granny, Gramps, Scott, Aunt Sara and mum had gone out to dinner that night just to say our goodbyes. While saying goodbye to Granny she told me she loved me, which is a rarity, and I broke down. I’m terrified that the next time I see her she won’t remember who I am. That’s the way her disease goes but it’s still a harsh reality to face. My mum and I had a really hard time at this point and both just couldn’t hold it in anymore. The day of was very busy so we were pretty distracted but it was still weighing on both of us. We said our goodbyes, to both my mum and Molly girl, and were on our way. We needed to make a stop before heading out of town and it was there that my mum called to tell us we had forgotten the blender. So she met us there and we had to say goodbye again. Saying goodbye once was hard enough. I’ve never been so far away from my mum and not knowing when I will see her again is really difficult for me. I already miss her so much. 

Back to being on the road..driving a small moving truck through a town is no easy task. Knowing that I would have to do the whole drive on my own was a daunting future for me. We had planned on getting to Albany, New York that first day. Since we couldn’t start our journey until 3 in the afternoon that seemed like a good stopping place. But of course, the line at the border we chose to cross over was huge. We waited there for almost an hour and a half so we were very behind and could only stop in Utica, 90 miles west of Albany. We woke up early, with about 4 hours of sleep, and drove the rest of the way to Portland. We got in around 1, got our apartment keys, and started feeding the meter outside of our building. We had to move the truck after two hours so we worked quickly. Well, Scott did most of it. Thank goodness for him. We’re on the sixth floor so moving wasn’t easy. We are grateful for our height now though since we have a view of the bay.

After finally finishing that we had to find a place for our Penske so we drove around the city until we finally asked a policeman who turned out to be very nice and helpful and let us park at the government building. We found a great independent coffee shop with wifi and let our parents know we arrived safely, as we don’t have cell phones or internet. We asked the barista where to get good seafood and he directed us to a hole in the wall that fisherman frequent. He asked if we wanted something more trendy but we wanted nothing of that so we headed to Gilbert’s. Oh my goodness. We took a table on the patio by the bay, ordered the clam strips, lobster roll and crab meat sandwich. It was the best seafood I’ve had just shy of the dauphin we had in the Keys with our friend’s family. The lobster was like butter, just melted in your mouth. As was the crab. I could honestly go on and on about it. But I’ll just make you jealous and that’s not nice..

I will write more about our struggles with the Penske, getting rid of boxes and exploring this beautiful town we’re quickly beginning to love later. For now, have a great day and enjoy everything. Thanks for reading.

Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day for the past twenty one years of my life has consisted of a card or something else that was relatively simple. Since my Granny's Alzheimer's is progressing rapidly and my mother is a goddamn saint who deserves more than a card on the only day out of the year set to celebrate her role in my life I wanted to throw a party for them, the two women who I owe my entire world to. My Granny's birthday is also May 14th so it was sort of a joint party for that celebration as well.

Crepe flowers

So about a month ago I grabbed my crafty husband and a cup of coffee and a few pins later we had decided on decor and the theme of the soiree. We spent hours making flowers out of crepe paper and a beautiful flower arch(which we completely forgot about and never put up). We thought that just having a grazing lunch with a few appetizers (with something meaty and hearty for my grandfather) was the best idea so it wouldn't crowd my Granny's mind with a bunch of options on her plate. I have been collecting tea cups and pots for a little while now and thought having an outdoor spring tea party would be a beautiful idea. I had planned on making teapot shaped cookies and as I tried the night before they burned a few times before I threw the dough away and decided on picking up everything at the market the next day and calling it good. The weather was also not cooperating with our outdoor tea party idea so we scratched it, brought the party indoors and bought a lot of food at our lovely weekend market.

The day of my darling Aunt Sara came into town! It's been a few weeks since I've seen her so I was very excited she was able to come. I also rarely have weekend days off so it all worked out really nicely. I asked her to pick up flowers for Granny so she brought a beautiful bouquet of peonies for her and a bouquet of parrot tulips for my mum! They were all gorgeous and I was very thankful since I had forgotten flowers for my mum...I wanted to take lots of pictures of my family as I feel we don't have enough so I set up the timer on my camera and after many, many pictures we caught quite a few funny ones that express each of our personalities so well.

It was a great day and we all had so much fun. My Granny left me saying "This was the best day. Well, maybe not the best day but it was fun." So I took her honesty to heart and smiled.

My mum is a wonderful and strong person. She's everything anyone could ever ask for in a mum and I'm glad she enjoyed the day devoted to her.