Doing myself good

       My husband is a very big part of who I am and who I'm becoming. When we met I was on a bit of a downward spiral and with the help of him and his beloved best friend, Bruce, I was able to pull out of it. However, as any woman, I have issues with self image and worth. But no matter how many times I disagree with him when he tells me I'm beautiful he never stops, and that is one of the many wonderful things about him. He gets frustrated of course but he prevails and every time he does I feel a little bit better about myself. It's not even just about my physical appearance it's the accomplishments I've made in my life. When I was younger I envisioned myself as successful by 21. My definition of success at that time was a bachelor's degree and an admission to grad school. Well folks, I've been in college for three years and have changed my mind so many times that I don't even have my Associates. I've been watching my friends get into the grad schools of their dreams and have been feeling a bit low about that. Today will be the beginning of me changing my definitions of "self worth/image" and "success".

      Starting today I will view my success as having found my husband and love of my life at the ripe age of 18. As having accomplished so many different subjects in college (psychology, finance, biology). As being alive and healthy. As knowing that we may never have a matching dinner set but we worked for everything we own. As never giving up. On anything. Some may view my constant changing in subjects as failures but I excelled in all of them. They weren't failures. They just weren't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I couldn't see myself sitting at a desk, helping other people work out budgets, dissecting insects, or talking through other people's issues for the rest of my life. When I graduate from school, I will do what I love doing. I may be thirty but I will not be one of those people groaning through everyday just to pay off their mounds of student loans. And I think coming to that realization, is definitely a success. Let me finish this paragraph by saying this is MY definition of my own success. Not anyone else's. I am so proud of what all of my friends have accomplished. These are just my accomplishments : )

      When I talk about other's people I often incorporate their souls as well as their outside appearance. Actually I focus almost entirely on the person they are on the inside. But I've never been able to afford myself the same benefit. There are times when I don't even want to look in a mirror. Starting today I will afford myself the same right I give everyone else. I am a good person, I do good things for people and my friends and family mean the world to me. So if personality reflects beauty than I'd say I'm doing alright in that regard.

     Finally, beginning on this day, April 19, 2013 I will do my best to not ever disagree with my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful and worthy of everything life has to offer me. Putting this in writing is a sort of contract to both me and him. I may break it every once in a while but I will think of this every time I want to and will deter myself from doing so. Watching this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk  has made me suddenly realize that I am my own worst critic.

      I will end this by saying something nice about myself. I love my eyes. Ah! There, I did it! The first step to being completely happy with myself has been achieved and I already feel better. Thanks for reading!