2014

Ooph. 2014 was a rough year. There was life and then death. There was love. And then love lost. Seemingly over and over. There was beauty and certainly some ugly. For me, the year started over again in August. Actually my whole life started over in August. I was reborn. Shed a shell and grew a new one.
My own shell. Seeing the world through my own eyes, though sometimes tear clouded, has been invigorating. I've learned more about myself in the last four months than I have my entire life. I'm planning a move to Vancouver in June but I've been told I'm mercurial so we'll see what comes to fruition with that. I love New England more than I have since I moved here. I've been savoring every experience I have here as them never being able to occur anywhere else.
2015 is just hours away and I've never been more excited for a new year.
Be safe everyone. There's newly shelled women out there looking to ring in the new year with a dangerous streak in their bones.

Oh ladies

I've never considered myself a feminist in it's strictest definition. I'm obviously all for equal rights for both sexes but I ignorantly ignore feminist protests, websites, and clubs. There are a few reasons for this. I haven't truly broken into the career world where I would be paid less than a man for the same job; I've been granted full rights to vote, attend college and all other pleasantries that just decades ago women were not seen as worthy of. But I suppose the real reason is that I have been surrounded by incredibly strong women my whole life that I haven't viewed the female sex as oppressed but conquering and victorious.

Until now I've been hesitant to place myself among these women.

Three weeks ago my husband lost his job. So the pressure rests on my shoulders (and my savings accounts) to keep things together until he finds a new job. Some background information about me: I save money like a squirrel stocks up acorns for winter. And I am damn proud every month when I am able to put X amount of money into my multiple savings accounts after all bills are paid. I plan to go backpacking in Vancouver/Whistler area and hike the mountains of Denali National Park this year. To be precise, I do NOT want to be forced to break into my savings accounts to cover our finances. So, while he's looking for a first job, I'm preparing for the worst and looking for a third job. Overnights somewhere because my schedule couldn't take anymore daytime work.

I could use my anger of him losing his job negatively and store it inside until I explode or I could concur. Like so many other women in my life have done. Through anger, sadness, physical and mental exhaustion they have come out the other side with more strength and courage than they started with. So will I and inevitably our relationship will only be stronger because my husband will have a view of me that he has yet to see fully: my warrior side.

Going through this experience has made me think of all the other women who have fought or are still fighting through their battles and hardships. I would like to take some time to write about these ladies.

My sister in law Natalie who at twenty one is excelling in Grad school, raising a home and keeping herself together (which at 21 is a feat in itself) all while her new husband is serving his country in the Navy and spending a significant time away.

My best friend Jazmin who also at twenty one (almost 22!!) is raising a baby as a single mom without the guidance of her mum because she died a week after beautiful baby Luna was born. The fact that she made it through the emotional rollercoaster of having a baby and losing her mother in the same week is unbelievably inspiring to how strong a mother's love for her baby can be.

My Auntie Fran. There are so many things I could say about my sweet Auntie Fran's accomplishments but her most recent is probably my favorite. At almost seventy (sorry for announcing that Auntie Fran but it's relevant!) she published her first book. A wonderful children's book that is so heartfelt and beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes as I read it for the first time to my Granny. She's also working on her second!!

My Aunt Sara. Damn, my Aunt Sara is probably the most badass lady I know that also has a heart of gold. I look up to her in so many ways. She works too much, travels the world, and is continuing to bring up a yarn company. She's a firm supporter of the local business and I admire that dearly.

Last, but most certainly not least, my darling mummy. Ah my, I could write a novel on the woman who brought me into the world but I'll hold back. She raised me as a single mother, went back to school to provide even more for me, conquered some pretty hefty assholes of men, and never seemed to lose faith. I know there were times when she just wanted to give up but she never did. She never gave up on her work that kicked her around (and continues to). She never gave up on being a mother. And she never gave up on love. She is my hero, my shoulder to lean on, my confidante, and my cheerleader.

All of these women, and every other badass lady out there, are inspiring. They are dealing with some of the most heartwrenching, physically and emotionally demanding situations that a human body and spirit can handle. I feel blessed and honored to be able to place myself among them. We will conquer, we will be victorious, and we will be better and stronger women because of these things that we have accomplished. Why? We are women. We refuse to lose. Even though we are considered the “lesser sex” we will prevail.